Felt
by SissyCreates19
Summary: A look into Kyle's thoughts during "Coven". This takes place after he buried Madison. He reflects on his life has changed since meeting Zoe. I also wrote a scene of them reuniting, since we didn't see that. Has mild language, and slight adult themes. Nothing major. It's my first time writing, so didn't want to go there yet.


**Emptiness**.

That's all I feel as I trudge up the steps.

**Just emptiness.** The person I loved was gone. _Zoe_.

_My beautiful,sweet, kind Zoe_.

After I get to our room, I shrug off my dirt-covered clothes.

There's a shallow grave out back that holds the body of the bitch who ruined everything. Who refused to think of others**...**

**...**Standing under the shower head, I begin to cry.

**Why did this happen to her? **

**Why did she have to leave me?**

Heavy sobs rake through my body. I'm not sure how long I stayed in there.

Ice cold water hits me. But, even then, I don't want to move.

Afterwards, I don't bother getting dressed.

**What's the point?**

Laying down on our bed, tears start to fall again.

The pillow smells like her. That unique mixture of lilac shampoo, the perfume she liked, and just the essence of **Zoe**.

Holding it tightly, I try to memorize that smell**...**

**...**We never got the chance to do so many things.

Go on out on a real date, slow-dance , or even give each other cheesy Valentine's Day cards.

Always thought there was time.

She was _**my forever**_.

I'm never going to see her walk towards me at the alter, or blush the night of our honeymoon. Grow old with her.

Hot tears cascade down my cheeks**...**

**...What's the purpose of this second chance of life without her in it?**

All I can feel is this _**emptiness**_.

Zoe was what made everything worth it.

All my life, I had this incompleteness inside of me. I tried to fix it, but nothing worked.

Masking my unhappiness with fake smiles and good deeds. Until I met her.

I had experienced something **real and true**.

Now, that feeling is gone. Died with her. The doe-eyed girl who thought she couldn't be loved. But she had been.

Oh, she had been truly loved.

I fell for her from the very beginning. As I stare at the wall, I let my mind wander back.

Back to all the events that have lead to this moment. To this heartache. Everything began with a party.

A stupid college party. When I first saw her, I knew there was something different there**...**

* * *

**...**_She was gorgeous. _

_Walking timidly into the party. Her awkward manner was a dead give away that it wasn't her kind of thing. _

_Everyone else was focused on "Madison Montgomery" movie star. _

_But all I saw was her. _

_As I followed her with my eyes, _**I felt entranced.**

_When our stares locked, that feeling in me intensified. _

_I tried to take her all in. _

_Her honey eyes, the small smile on her heart shaped lips, long dark golden hair, amazing body, her porcelain skin. _

**She was perfect**_. _

_Walking up to her, I admit, I was nervous. But as the witty comment left her mouth, relaxation washed over me. _

_Clever and gorgeous. _**Who was she?**

_Seeing her smile and laugh made my heart do flips. _

**_She was special..._**

* * *

_**...**__We talked for a while. _

_I had thought things were going great. _

_However, I was wrong. _

_She told me later that night that it wouldn't work between us. _

**I felt defeated.**

_But I didn't hold it against her. _

_If I couldn't have her in my life as a lover, a friend would due. That's why when she needed help finding Madison, I came to her aid. _

_And what I found disgusted me. _

_My frat, _**my brothers, **_taking advantage of her friend. _

_It was horrible. All I could think about was my mother. _

**I felt sickened**_. _

_Chasing them onto the bus, fighting, to get the video back. They had knocked me out. _

_The bus was suddenly mid-air. _

_Everything went __**black...**_

* * *

_**...**__The next thing I remembered was the feeling of a tender press to my lips. _

_A soft voice murmuring apologizes. _

_I followed that voice out of the _**darkness**_. Waking up, I noticed her. _

_Terrified and hidden beside a table. I had no idea what was going on but _**I felt protective**_ of her. _

_I hit the man without so much as a second thought. Would have kept hitting him too if it wasn't for her hand grabbing my arm. _

_I looked up, confused. She looked petrified__**...**_

* * *

_**...**__ At Misty's, I longed for her return. Seeing her again, _**I felt** **elated**_._

_ As she touched my scars,_** I felt pleasure**_. _

_While touching her hair, _**I felt** **content**_ . _

_I __had thought she was taking me to be with her. Not back to that hell hole I called home once before._

_It wasn't her fault really; she didn't know what my mother really was. _

_Couldn't exactly tell her either__**...**_

* * *

_**...**__That night, as she touched me, _**I felt** **nothing**_. _

_I was a hollow shell at that place. I wanted _**Zoe**_, to leave with her and never go back. _

_When she tried again I was stone-like; not moving. But as soon as she started insulting Zoe, _**I felt** **rage**_. _

_She had no right to say the_ _things she did. _

_That moment, I finally gained the courage to say _**no**_**...**_

* * *

_**...**__ Covered in blood, I banged my head on the tub repeatedly. _

_Rushing into the bathroom, she told me to stop. _

**I felt** **guilty**_**.**_

_Not for what I had done, but that I had made Zoe cry. _

_I couldn't stay there. _

_To much sorrow was brought to her because of me__**...**_

* * *

_**...**__ Sitting in the tub, being washed by another person, _**I felt helpless.**

_Memories of my mother flashed in my mind. _

_Thrashing out at Misty was not the best thing to do; I know that now. _

_All of it was just so overwhelming. While I was flailing about the room, someone entered the cabin. _

_It was Zoe, __she found me._

_I rushed towards her, not caring I was naked. The need for her embrace, her touch, was too strong._

**I felt vulnerable **_as I clung to her__**...**_

* * *

_**...**__ When I put together that I wasn't all me anymore, _**I felt disgusted. **

**Why did this happen? **

**What was I? **

**Was I even me anymore?**

_I wailed in anger and confusion. _

_Glancing up, I saw Zoe. There was something in her hand. _

_A gun. _

_She tried explaining to me that it had to be done. That I was dangerous; a murderer. If she only knew why I did it. _

_I yanked the gun from her hands and, for a second, she thought I was going to shoot her. _

_**I could never hurt her.**_

_ Even in a state of recklessness , __**I couldn't hurt her**__. _

_Placing_ _the gun into my mouth, I was ready to welcome death. But she hurried over, trying to stop me. _

_By the time she got the gun out of my hands, we were both in hysterics. _

_Holding onto me, she admitted that she didn't want me to die__**...**_

* * *

**...** _She tried to teach me things, but I got frustrated with myself._

**I felt stupid.**

_I couldn't do even the simplest things. But she was patient. _

_Tried to reassure me of my abilities. _

_Soon after, Madison began to talk to me. Told me she understood how I felt and knew what I had been through. _

_I don't know **why** I did it. _

_Maybe it was the anger I felt about my situation? Or that I loved a girl that would never love me? _

_But when Madison started kissing me, I went with it. _

_Next thing I knew, I was fucking her against the dresser__**...**_

* * *

_**...**__Later that night, I sat on the bed. Waiting like I was told. _

_When Zoe stepped into the room, I studied her, lust consuming me. _

_She was gorgeous. _

_Still slightly damp from her shower, skin glistening, only covered with a white towel. A look of innocence on her face. _

_I made love to her that night. _

_I don't care if Madison was there. With Madison it was just __** , meaningless, emotionless sex.**_

**I** **_made love_**** to Zoe**_. _

_I was gentle with her , worshiping. Treated her as if she was a fragile doll__**...**_

* * *

_**...**__The next few days, _**I felt captivated. **

_Infatuated with her__**.**_

_She truly cared for me, actually wanted me to be able to communicate. _

_But she pushed away my advances._

** I felt rejected...**

* * *

_**...**__I worked for hours trying to say the simplest of words. Wanting so badly to impress her. _

_As she barged into the room_,_ I could sense something was wrong. Getting up, I embraced her tightly. Attempting to bring her comfort like she had brought me. _

_But again, when I tried to kiss her, she turned me away._

** I felt dumb.**

_ Of course, why would she love a _**monster_?_**_**...**_

* * *

_**...**__Hearing her say she wanted to take me somewhere else,_** I felt alarmed**.

_I couldn't be separated from her, not again. _

_Taking deep breaths, I tried to tell her how I felt. _

_The words from the game echoed through my head. "This road goes two ways." _

_It worked for this situation. She protected me, now I was going to protect her. _

_Confusion was on her face. I tried again, slowly getting the words out._

_ I made sure to look into her eyes when I said I loved her._

** I felt nervous.**

_Waiting to see if she'd turn me away. To hear that she didn't feel the same._

_ But when she said those words back to me, _**I felt thrilled. **

_**She loved me.**_

_This hideous, freak of a man__**...**_

* * *

_**... **__A few days later, I could talk again. _

**I felt normal...**

_Well, somewhat. _

_Hearing Zoe say my name, caused me to glance up. _

_She seemed happy. _

_That night, I told her everything. Things I wanted her to know. _

_And she, in turn, did the same. _

_As I told her about my mother, she held me and when she told me she had killed people, I reassured her she wasn't evil. _

**We didn't judge each other's pasts**

* * *

_**...**__ When Nan died, I gave her comfort. _

_Her friend, her _**sister**_, was lost. _

_Zoe knew something wasn't right. She wanted to investigate it all for herself and find out the truth._

_ I watched as she recited a spell, trying so hard to find an answer. _

_Looks of wonder and amazement were present on my face. Then again, I always had that look when she did anything. _

_Trouble then came in the form of Madison Montgomery. _

_She treated me as if I was an object. _

_A toy she could play around with and use at her own whim__**...**_

* * *

_**...**__Seeing Madison kneel in front of me, attempting to unzip my jeans,_** I felt bewildered.**

_All I wanted was Zoe. _

**It was always Zoe.**

_I pushed her away, told her I didn't want her. _

_Objects started to shake and fall. A lamp flew from the nightstand and hit Zoe. _

_Demanding Madison to stop, I covered Zoe with my body. She had gotten hurt. _

_I never wanted her to get hurt. _

_By anyone__**...**_

* * *

_**...**__.Later that night, she told me we were leaving. _

**I felt ecstatic**.

_We could find peace. However, the more I thought about it, the less I wanted to go. _

_What if I attacked her? Or worse, killed her? _

_I couldn't live with myself if that happened. _

_While she was packed, I knew had to say something. Tell her I couldn't go because of my fear of myself. _

_She insisted she wasn't scared of me; of what I was. _

_I wanted her to leave. Find safety far away from me, from the coven. _

_As she began to whisper in my ear, I was angry with myself. She was on the verge of tears because of me. But I had to know. _

_Know that she truly wasn't afraid. I grabbed her head, not hard, but not soft either. _

_Her eyes held a look of nervousness and knowing. She didn't try to run. _

_Instead, she stayed exactly where I held her. _

_She wasn't terrified__**...**_

* * *

_**...**_**I felt happiness, true happiness**_ when we got to the bus station. _

_We were free. _

_Free of the backstabbing and deception and secrets that the coven held. We could be truly happy. _

_She smiled and laughed so much our few days there. It was like she was glowing. _

_Her smile made me smile and her laugh made me laugh. _

_But I screwed everything up__**...**_

* * *

_**...**__ I tried not to but, when that man was screaming at _**my**_ Zoe, I couldn't help it._

** I felt infuriated.**

_I heard her yell for me to stop but it was too late. _

_He was dead. _

_She crouched down near him and mumbled something. _

_He began to move__**...**_

* * *

_**...**__ We headed back to the school that night. _

_I kept apologizing to her, for ruining our chance at a life., but she wouldn't have it._

_She held __no hatred towards me for what I'd done. _

_That was who she was. _

_One of the most forgiving, understanding people I had known. _

_Even when treated wrongly, she wanted to help you. _

_I __loved that about her__**...**_

* * *

**...**_I watched as she stabbed him. _

_Blood splattering onto her face, anger and conviction evident in her voice, the shear animalistic nature of the action_**.**

_That night, we couldn't control ourselves. _

_Seeing her like that did something to me. _

_We made love, over and over._

**Hard and rough**_**.**_

_Soft and slow. _

_Against walls, on the bed, across the floor, even in the shower. _

_I spent the whole night showing her the effect she had on me__**...**_

* * *

_**...**__When I found out she would have to try and do the Seven Wonders, _**I felt frightened.**

_If she succeeded, she would be Supreme. But there was a chance she could die. _

_She practiced so much and worked so hard, __had wanted to be able to do everything required._

_That was something I admired, her determination and focus__**...**_

* * *

_**...**__As I kissed Madison, I forced myself not to be sick. _

_Her lips were rough and demanding. _

_Nothing like the kisses I had become accustomed to. Ones that were with soft lips, full of tenderness. _

_When Zoe controlled me to come to her, I went without resistance. _

_She didn't have to _**make**_ me kiss her. _

_Her lips on mine were a welcoming feeling…. _

* * *

_**...**__Hearing her gasp for breath killed me inside. _

_I was choking her and couldn't do a thing about it. _

_The feel of her throat being crushed by my harmful hands I grimaced, trying so hard to stop myself. _

_Being thrown against the wall hurt. _

_Though it didn't _**compare**_ to how much it hurt to know I did that._

**I felt dreadful.**

_Zoe forgave me, she always did. _

_No matter how much I screwed up. _

_I kissed her, showing that Madison didn't even compare__**...**_

* * *

_**...**__Seeing her rise up, crying, startled me. _

_Her hell was _me_. _

_Me saying I didn't love her. _

_Holding her, I tried to make the pain go away. _

_Not wanting her to believe that for one second__**...**_

* * *

_**...**__She was having fun. _

_Seeing her smile and hearing her laughter was beautiful to me. _

_Watching her get so much joy out of a little kid's game. _

**I felt pleased.**

_I wanted her to feel like that always, not having to worry about everyone else. _

_Then everything turned to hell. _

_Suddenly, she was on top of the gate__**...**_

* * *

_**...**_I can't make that image go away. No matter how hard I try, I cant.

Seeing her like that.

Blood seeping from her mouth, stabbed in her stomach, gasping for breath.

It was horrible.

I knock the lamp over in fury. I don't understand why **no one could fucking save her?!**

This is a house full of witches for Christ's sake! Most of whom have died at least once. And _**Madison**_. **Madison** was just evil.

Zoe was the only one who even gave a shit about the bitchy starlet, had done everything she could to bring her back**...**

* * *

**...** **I felt no regret** killing her.

Witnessing the light leave her eyes was a temporary fix to my pain.

She deserved to be in **darkness** for eternity.

Zoe didn't.

Zoe deserved light and beauty, happiness and serenity.

**_Zoe deserved to live._**

I would trade my life for her's if possible, sell my soul, do anything, if it meant there was a chance she could come back...

* * *

**...**Dry sobs escape my mouth.

**I feel miserable.**

Clutching onto her pillow, aching for her.

To feel her hands run through my hair; comforting me.

See her blushing face when I compliment her, make her laugh, and watch as her eyes sparkle with amusement.

There's this massive hole inside my heart.

Zoe was the only person who made me feel... _alive_...

* * *

**...**Someone is outside our room, I can hear their foot steps.

"**Go away.**" My voice is horse, so it comes out quietly.

The door starts to open. "**I don't want to see anyone.**" I state a little louder.

Still, they continue to walk towards the bed. I sit up, prepared to yell. "**I said go aw-**." Golden-honey eyes bore into mine.

Zoe_. _

_My Zoe, _standing right here.

* * *

Tears fill my eyes, "**Zoe? Is it really you?,**" I whisper, looking at her with cloudy vision.

"**Am I dreaming?**" A hand raises to caress my face.

"_No. I'm here_," her gentle voice replies. "_Cordelia brought me back_."

I lean into her touch**...**

* * *

**...**"_Kyle I-_" She doesn't get to finish.

I leap up and press my lips to hers.

It had only been a few hours, but it had felt like a lifetime. Pulling away, I start to ramble.

"**I thought you were gone. I thought I lost you.**" I grab hold of her face, leaning my forehead against hers.

" **No one could do anything. I couldn't do anything. I tried so hard to but I couldn't fix you, bring you back. I'm sorry Zoe. I'm so, so sorry.**"

At this point, there are tears streaming down my face. My eyes shut in an attempt to stop them. A soft kiss is planted on my lips, instantly quieting me.

"_I know, I know, you did_" She says to me kindly. "_I'm here, it's okay now_." My eyes open to watch her.

"**I missed you so much. I felt dead inside without you.**"

"_Kyle yo-_"

"**No, please let me finish,**" I reply, cutting her off. "**Without you Zoe, I have nothing, I'm nothing. You're apart of me. Don't leave again. Never leave me again.**"

She runs her fingers through my hair. "_I won't I promise. I'll fight with all I have before I ever leave you._" We smile at each other.

Happy to be in one another's presence once again**...**

* * *

**...**Pulling her towards me, our lips meet, as we fall onto the bed.

Frantically, I strip her of her clothes.

Kissing everything I can see.

As I reach her stomach, I notice it.

The now healing scar on her abdomen. Running my hand tenderly across, examining the once bloody wound.

Bending done, I kiss the scar lightly. It was apart of her now.

A constant reminder that she came back from the darkness. That she came back to me.

Looking down at me with adoring eyes, she pulls me back to her face. I caress all of her.

The feeling of her body both foreign and familiar.

_"__**Perfection**_," I whisper. Gazing into her eyes**...**

* * *

**...**.I go slow, savoring the feeling. Focusing solely on her.

Knowing now, to take no moment we have together for granted.

"_Kyle. god yes_." Hearing her moan is **_heaven_**. "_More... please._"

She whines, legs wrapping around my waist. Bringing me close to her "_Please give me more_".

A groan escapes my lips.

**I'd give her anything she wanted.** _Whatever she wants_.

I thrust deeper; trying hard to make this last.

My head falls to her neck, nipping the skin there. Soothing the bites with my tongue.

As she cries out, I lift my head. Never have I seen a more **exquisite sight**.

Her face contorting in pleasure.

**_My angel._**** The girl who saved me...**

* * *

**...**We cling to each other. Neither of us wanting to let go. Our breathing starts to steady.

"_I love you so much Kyle. So, so much. I hated the darkness. It was horrible._" She sniffles and I can feel her tears on my neck.

"_Hell was a nightmare... But seeing your face on repeat it... it made things bearable_" she mumbles into my neck.

"**I'll never stop loving you. And I'll do all I can to make sure you never go back there.**" I kiss her head, "**Thank you for coming back to me.**"**...**

* * *

**...**Soon I hear her soft breathing and I watch as her chest rises and falls.

Looking completely at peace. But this is different from earlier.

I know now she'll wake up from this slumber.

Having dreamed, instead of being in **constant darkness**.

Having her in my arms once again is comforting. I needed her.

And she needed me.

We were what the other person wasn't.

With her,**I feel everything**.

_**Happiness, joy, anger, lust, regret, love, sorrow, pain.**_

I feel it all.

Because Zoe does that to me.

She fills the void that I have had inside me for years.

**_She makes me complete._**


End file.
